Happy effing Christmas Snow!
by Dante 101
Summary: Snow hasn't really gotten his Christmas present yet, so what does he get for Christmas? Read to find out!


**Story request by Fusion90XXXX. Hope you guys like it. Think of it as a Christmas present or whatever. Now on with the story!**

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Snow Villers was walking in the hallways just simply minding his own business and holding a bottle of eggnog to bring back to the party downstairs and whistling happily when he suddenly heard a noise from ahead of him.

Snow stopped whistling and frowned. The noise came again and this time it sounded like a cry... wait? Was that Lightning's voice?

Snow couldn't understand it. Lightning said that she had her own business to do for Christmas and that she couldn't be there for the majority of the party downstairs and refused to answer any questions. So what the hell was Lightning (or Light as Snow and several other people like to call her) crying about?

_"It looks like Detective Villers is on the job."_ thought Snow with a smug grin on his face as he ran down the down the hall towards the source of the noise.

The source of the noise was coming from Lightning's room(which had the sigh "Enter or Die!") and as Snow reached the door, he heard her cry out again, but this time even louder than before.

Snow pressed his ear on the door's surface and took it off, yelling out in shock when he heard Lightning cry out again.

Snow stood there as he began to put the pieces together._ "Okay, this all probably means that Light's in trouble with some big bad beast and that's what she had to do on Christmas!"_ thought Snow with a grin. But then he frowned._ "I still don't understand why the hell would Light be fighting a beast on Christmas, and in her own room of all places? If the villain's take holidays off also, then why not the monsters also?"_

Snow shook his head and looked determinedly at the door and he could've sworn to Shiva he heard someone calling him a jackass._ "Okay Light, Snow is here to save the day!" _he thought as he took out his gun from his pocket.

Snow kicked the door open and held out his gun, ready to shoot whatever was hurting Light.

"Okay freeze!" Snow yelled before he dropped his gun to the floor, which didn't go off, thank god before his eyes wided in shock and just stood there dumbfounded as the other people in the room did.

What Snow saw was a shirtless Cloud sitting on a chair, wearing a Santa hat and Lightning sitting on his lap with only her skirt and red bra on, her arms wrapped around Cloud's neck and Cloud's hand looked like they were about unhook her bra, nevertheless they looked just as shocked as Snow did.

Then hell froze over for a moment before Snow screamed and Cloud and Lightning screamed also which lasted for about ten seconds before they finally stopped.

"Snow what the f**k!? screamed Lightning, her face completely red with anger as she glared at him fiercely with murderous killing intent.

Snow had sprouted a nosebleed during the whole screaming session and was cleaning it while yelling apologies to them.

"I thought you were in trouble Light! I didn't know you and Cloud were spending Christmas screwing each other's lights out!

"Ever heard of knocking before you bastard!?" yelled Cloud, who looked just as pissed off as Lightning did.

"I won't tell anyone about this, including Tifa and Serah.... so well erm…I should just go now." Snow tried to leave but then the door slammed shut before him.

"Not so fast Villers." Turning around slowly with a pale face, Snow's eyes wided as Cloud and Lightning started advancing on him.

"Hey, umm... what're you guys doing?" asked Snow, while secretly pretending this was a nightmare and that he'll wake up at any moment.

"Well...." Cloud grinned, but in an evil way as he walked up towards Snow. "I've just realized me and Light haven't given you your Christmas present yet. Wanna know what it is?"

"Umm... you guys are gonna let me join you and we can all have a threesome right?" said Snow with a hopeful face.

"No..." said Lightning quietly, as she cracked her knuckles dangerously. "Something much better Snow...."

Snow gulped. _"Oh S**t!"_

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Snow was seen later on coming downstairs all bloody and bruised up and still holding the bottle of eggnog in his hand and walking towards the party.

"Oh my god Snow! What happened to you!? cried Serah in shock as her friend walked up to her and handed her the bottle of eggnog.

Snow felt everybody else's eyes and knew that he couldn't any of them the truth so he did the one thing that was available to him, he slipped in a white lie.

"I...er...fell down the stairs." he said finally before he fell face first on the floor.

Nobody really said anything until Zack spoke up.

"Right." he said, glancing at Snow's body on the floor. "Let's just move this party somewhere else and forget about this little incident kay?"

Everybody else agreed and left Snow all alone with the exception of Hope who stayed.

"Um, Hope, can you please call the ambulance out here, cause I seriously need some help here." said Snow weakly.

Hope responded by giving Snow a kick in the crotch which would normally would have send Snow into a tirade, but due to his condition, he merely grunted in pain.

"F**k you Snow." Hope said before he ran off to join the rest of the party.

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**Kay, that was my Christmas oneshot. Hope you all enjoyed it and please read and review this. It would really make my day! Merry Christmas!**


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